I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
