you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I enjoy the company of your penis
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
