Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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