Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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