Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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