I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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