He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sext me about skeletons
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
