Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
