I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
