At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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