wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
