Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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