You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
