Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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