He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
