All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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