I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Boobs are out for the taking
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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