"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
