I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
