Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
