$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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