I hate all girls vehemently.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
