Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
