Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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