I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
