Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize