reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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