My first STD was from a foam party
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
