The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
