Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
