You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
