I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
