I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize