She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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