I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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