We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
