So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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