This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
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