he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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