What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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