I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
