And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
