So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
