i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
