I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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