Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
