if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
