If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
