i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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