Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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