drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
