He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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