we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
