More tranny stories later!
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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