I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
