Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
