I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
