While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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