Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
