1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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