shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
