So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
