don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
