Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
