he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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