sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
