Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
