The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
