Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i think my cat just said my name.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
