the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
