i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
