at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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