The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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